Change of Fate
by zulija
Summary: A rewrite of ME2 where Commander Faith Shepard didn't go down with the Normandy. She survived and now she has to face the denial and ignorance of the Council and Alliance. Will she be forced to change sides, or will the Alliance see they're wrong and help her stop the Collectors? Featuring Shenko. Rated M for a reason.
1. A new beginning

**Okay, so this is a total rewrite of ME2 (possibly ME3 as well, I don't know). I had a thought the other day and wondered what if Shepard didn't die because of the Collector's attack. Anyway, this will show my thought on what could happen and how she will, or won't, join Cerberus.**

**Any thoughts about this are appreciated, of course :-)**

-X-

It all happened so fast. The sudden attack, the crew members running around doing everything necessary to help each other and save what could be saved. Kaidan storming to her and refusing to leave her side before she practically ordered him to leave. He did leave, and she felt relieved to know he's safe. It was rude for her to feel that way, but Kaidan meant everything to her.

She tossed everything aside as she send the distress call, knowing only one more person was left at the Normandy; Joker. The faithful pilot wouldn't allow the ship to go down. But Shepard wouldn't let him end like in the old movies, where the captain goes down with his ship. Not on her watch.

She made her way through the CIC as fast as she could (as fast as the gravity would allow her, that is) as the unknown ship came in for another attack. She hurried, and soon reached the cockpit where she found Joker fumbling on the controls.

"Joker we have to leave! The ship is going down and I'm not letting you go down as well!" She yelled in the radio, but he just kept on pushing the buttons, doing everything he can to save the ship. She had enough. Without warning she grabbed his hand and pulled him up, ignoring the loud yelp of pain coming from him.

"Watch the arm, goddamn it!" Together they hurried (even though it looked more like stumbling) back to the only escape pod left. Shepard placed him on the seat as he fastened his seat belts, then she turned her head around to look over her shoulder. She caught sight of the unknown, massive ship readying another attack. Knowing the Normandy can't survive another attack, she pushed the button before sitting down in front of Joker. She just managed to fasten the seat belts before the pod flew away in time.

The ship's laser pierced through the Normandy again, tearing the ship in half completely. Then it exploded, and the escape pod shook a little because of the explosion. Her heart sunk though as she watched her home, the Normandy, falling down towards the surface of Alchera. She swallowed hard as tears burned her eyes. Glancing at Joker she realized he cried too as he threw his oxygen mask away, then lifted his angry eyes to look at her.

"Damn it Shepard! Why didn't you let me save her?!"

Shaking her head and swallowing her anger, she answered, "You would go down with her, and I need you to pilot another ship!"

Joker tensed at the mention of flying another ship. "As if I want another ship. Damn it! The Normandy was my ship! I had to-"

"Enough!" she yelled and interrupted him effectively. Joker shut his mouth as she threw her oxygen mask away as well. "Don't you think I feel bad for losing the best ship in the Alliance?! She was **my **ship Joker!" She said with a raised voice before taking a deep breath to calm her temper. It wasn't his fault after all. "If you'd stay there a minute longer, we'd both be dead by now."

Joker, now admitting he was wrong, lowered his head in shame, "I'm sorry. I'm not yelling at you Shepard. It's just-"

"I know," he didn't have to tell her how he felt like right now, because she felt the same. "I know..." Sighing, she let her shoulders relax as they approached another planet which the systems recognized as an Alliance colony. She stared at the planets surface as a cold shudder ran down her spine at a certain thought: she almost died back there.

-X-

He paced up and down a line, worried and physically exhausted. He couldn't just sit back and wait while she would arrive, the waiting was killing him and he couldn't understand how the others could be so relaxed (compared to him, they were relaxed).

"She can't be gone..." he mumbled his greatest fears as cold sweat appeared on his forehead. "She has to be fine..." the others kept watching him but didn't dare approach him.

Liara felt his biotics raging a war with his self control, and she knew that everything could be a trigger to release that anger. Sighing, she looked away at a clearly shaken Tali who hid her face between her knees. Liara placed a comforting hand on her shoulder which made Tali look up. Even though she couldn't see her face, she knew her quarian friend cried, so she pulled her into a hard hug.

Kaidan looked away at the two hugging each other simply because the sight twisted his gut. He felt like they hugged because they feared that Shepard was gone. Kaidan balled his hands into fists as he breathed deeply in and out of his nose, muttering, "She's safe. Please God let her be-" Then he looked up and saw the last escape pod fall not far from them.

Everyone hurried up to their feet as the doors of the last pod slid open. Silence spread between anyone as they waited for Shepard and Joker to come out, only Kaidan ran into to the pod to see Shepard standing over Joker, waiting for him to remove his seat belts. When she felt Kaidan's eyes on her though, she completely forgot about Joker. Instead she hurried to him and leapt into his arms as he lifted her in the air. Their armor clashed and didn't allow them to get close, but none cared.

"Shepard," he breathed into her hair, smelling a faint scent of her vanilla shampoo combined with the smell of smoke, and death. "God I've missed you."

She broke the hug and cupped his face before crushing her lips on his. They didn't care about the audience because they had a close call today, and right now they could strip each other even in front of everyone. So desperate were they.

Liara cleared her throat though and Joker cursed her for that. "Aww no Liara. You were supposed to let them give us a good show."

Kaidan blushed furiously where Shepard just smirked at him, "Yeah, as if you could handle watching us."

Joker rolled his eyes but still managed to smile, "Empty promises, Commander. You know I only believe in what I see." Now she rolled her eyes but didn't miss the blush Kaidan had on his face.

"One day, you'll manage to sneak a camera into my cabin. Just don't give up." She said sarcastically which made the others laugh a little. Kaidan, still bright red, helped her get Joker out of the pod. They put him down somewhere under a tree before Shepard turned to her crew.

"Is anyone that is here severely injured?" None lifted her or his hand, and for that she thanked God. "Okay, stay calm. I know we've been through a lot, and we lost a lot, but the Alliance is on their way. They'll be here in no time." Everyone nodded, then turned to their closest friends. Shepard's crew (well, the aliens she picked up) came to sit around Joker before Shepard sat down on the lawn as well.

"What the hell attacked us?" Asked Joker while shaking his head. "They've burned the Normandy and turned her into butter! As if she didn't have any shields at all!" Everyone heard the pain and frustration in Jokers voice, but everyone understood him. The Normandy was his baby, after all.

"Whatever or whoever attacked us, must have some advanced technology ship." Answered Tali as everyone turned to her. "The Normandy couldn't even detect it."

"Yeah but the enemy ship detected the Normandy even with the stealth systems on," stated Garrus. "Those must be some very advanced space pirates."

"Whatever they are, they almost killed us," said Liara. Shepard glanced at her crew, she saw the fear on everyone's face. She could barely keep calm herself, but she had to because of her crew.

"Hey, we have to keep it together. We'll know more when the Alliance arrives." Everyone nodded, and she felt relieved they bought her facade. She stood up and lied when she said she would walk around a little to inspect the close surroundings. When she found a secluded place where no one could see her she fell down on her rear while letting out a long sigh.

She let her head fall down and touch her knees as the exhaustion crushed on her. The fear she felt all the while she was witnessing the destruction threatened to break her, to shatter the walls of courage she build around her. She looked up at the sky as tears burned her vision, but she blinked them away. The others would see she cried and she couldn't allow that.

Suddenly she could feel another ones presence. She tensed and wanted to put up her Commander face, but relaxed when Kaidan approached and sat down next to her. "Hey, what are you doing here?" Shepard let out a heavy sigh as she dug the heels of her palm into her eyes.

"Honestly?" she looked back at him and already could he see why she went away from everyone. "I'm scared." She swallowed the lump down her throat as Kaidan placed his hand around her shoulders. "I know I have to stay tough and brave, but..." she couldn't finish her thoughts, the emotions were just too overwhelming. Kaidan took her chin and forced her to look at him, which she did without putting in any resistance.

"It's okay to be scared. I mean we received a hell of a punch today and no body is going to blame you for being a little scared." She smiled but still she couldn't lose the fear, the terror she felt while on board.

"A little? Hell I'm scared as shit." she admitted when looking away, but Kaidan forced her gaze back on him and smiled reassuringly.

"I know, and no body is blaming you for that. You did a hell of a job Shepard." He opened his arms, inviting her into his embrace. She didn't hesitate a second when she embraced him back, leaning her head close to his so he breathed down her ear. "It's okay. We're safe and fine, and that's what matters." He whispered down her ear before tightening his hold on her. She knew he was scared.

She hugged him hard too, before whispering, "I know. And thanks for cheering me up a little." He broke the embrace and placed his palm on her cheek while he smiled.

"Anytime Shepard." They both settled down, he pulling her into a half hug as he stared at the sky. For the first time a thought crept up his mind; what if I lost her up there? Kaidan tightened his hold on her and placed a hard kiss on her hair. Thinking about losing her twisted his gut, but she's safe and next to him so he chased that thought away. Minutes passed, and not long after the Alliance vessel landed close to their location. Kaidan sighed, sometimes he was so sick of being a marine.


	2. Realization

**I know I forgot to mention a vital thing; my Shepard here is Earthborn/Sole Survivor/Soldier. And she is not the same Shepard from my fic Shattered Hopes And Memories. Just to make it clear. Oh and they didn't land on Alchera, they landed on a nearby planet close to a Alliance colony. Hope that clears a few things, sorry for any misunderstandings :-)**

-X-

Once the Alliance vessel landed, Hackett and Anderson stepped out only to see the Normandy crew sitting around, some injured and some not. The medics immediately went to inspect the injured ones as he and Anderson looked around, searching for any sign of Shepard or her crew. Anderson's heartbeat was frantic as he looked for her but couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, she and lieutenant Alenko stepped out from the rest of the crew. Both saluted to their superior officers.

"Admiral! Captain!" Shepard said trying hard to hide her fear and exhaustion, but Anderson knew her. He knew she was tired and scared as hell.

"Shepard, what the hell happened?" asked Hackett as he crossed his hands behind his back. Shepard lowered and shook her head as she tried to remember everything in the right order.

"I don't know. We were cruising outside Alchera when suddenly something attacked us. We had no chance of saving the Normandy." She didn't dare look up at them. Anderson knew how she must feel right now.

"It's okay, no one blames you for not saving the ship. Casualties?" She lifted her head but her eyes darted elsewhere.

"A few officers of the lower deck died, as well as Navigator Pressly." Hackett walked away to take a good look at the others. She saved everyone who could be saved, still losing the Normandy was a hard blow.

"You did everything you could Commander. The loss of the Normandy is significant, but most important is that everyone who could be saved, was saved." Kaidan nodded and turned to Anderson.

"What now Captain? I mean it's obvious we have to investigate what or who attacked us." Anderson nodded in agreement.

"I agree. I will take this matter to the Council, ask for any help we can get."

"I will send a crew to inspect the Normandy on the crash site. Maybe we can find out what type of weapons the enemy used." Hackett silenced and took the moment to study Shepard; she wasn't well at all, as well as the others. "But for now, Commander, you and your team should get some rest. You look clearly exhausted." Shepard nodded then saluted, Kaidan did the same.

"Aye aye Admiral." They said before they walked past Hackett and Anderson.

Once they were alone, Anderson turned to Hackett, the worry clearly written on his face. "This must be some advanced technology ship. According to the crew, they didn't even had time to activate the shields properly."

"The Normandy's detection systems failed. Otherwise I think they could save the ship in time." said Hackett with a frown. Letting out a sharp breath, he turned fully to Anderson. "You try to get the Council on our side. If not, we will have to do this on our own." Anderson modded before going back into the ship. He searched for someone particular because he needed to hear what exactly happened.

-X-

Kaidan sat in the tiny free room the crew spared him. He thanked them and retreated to his new quarters after he took a very hot shower. The hot water managed to ease his tense muscles a bit, but that did nothing to calm his raging thoughts and heart.

Sighing, he ran his hand through his still damp hair as he remembered the terror while he got everyone to safety. He remembered the screams of agony and the dead bodies flying around him as he made his way to Shepard. That was the first thing he did after the attack started. He ran to see if she's fine, and a large boulder fell from his shoulders when he saw she was alright.

But now, she wasn't alright. After he showered he bumped into her in the large hallways of the ship. He greeted her but she wouldn't even look at him. All he got was a ghost of a smile before resuming her walk towards the female showers. He didn't follow her of course, but his mind screamed at him to go and check on her now. She was probably done with the showering and relaxing in the room, if she could relax at all that is.

Suddenly he heard a knock coming from his door. He hastily grabbed some sweatpants and shirt (because he was sitting in nothing but his boxers) before calling the someone in. He was surprised though when he saw Anderson entering his tiny private quarters. "Captain," he said saluting but Anderson shook his head.

"At ease Kaidan, I'm not on a formal visit here." Kaidan sighed and looked away, clearly worried about something. "How are you holding up?"

"I don't know," Kaidan admitted the truth. He didn't know how or what to feel except terror and fear. "I mean something attacks us all of a sudden, and the next thing we know is getting everyone to safety because the Normandy is falling apart." He sat down on the bed and leaned his elbows on his knees. Anderson sat down next to him as he looked at the door.

"I understand, it was a terrible experience, but you and the others are alright."

That brought a bitter smile on Kaidan's face, "Yeah...we're alright."

Anderson noticed the note of sarcasm and he turned around to face him, "How is she holding up?" Kaidan blushed because he knew that Anderson knew about them. Shepard insisted she tells him because Anderson was like a father to her. He didn't want to tell anyone, but he understood so he agreed with her.

Sighing, Kaidan's shoulders slumped down as well as his head, "I don't know. She's been avoiding me ever since. I mean-" Kaidan lifted his head to look around the room, unable to bear Anderson's gaze. "She almost died back there. She stayed the last along with Joker. If they were only a minute late-" The lump in his throat didn't allow him to speak. Instead he lowered and shook his head again as he realized he was being emotional towards his superior. "I'm sorry, I don't want to bore you with this."

"It's okay. I'm here if you need someone to talk to." Kaidan smiled then lifted his face to look at him.

"Thanks, but I'm okay, for now. Fully functional marine." Anderson stood up but before he turned and left he searched for something in his pocket. He took out a card and Kaidan lifted his eyes to meet Anderson's in confusion as he held the card out to him.

"This is the key to every crew quarters on this ship. Go and check on her, but wait till night time." Kaidan hesitantly took the card and stood up before nodding.

"Thanks...Anderson." Anderson nodded and gave him a strong pat on his shoulder before he turned and left the room. Once he was alone he lied down on the bed and stared at the card, wondering what Shepard is doing right now. He so wanted to be with her all the time, but this wasn't the Normandy. Hell, no ship would be like the Normandy because it was the ship he experienced all his first times with Shepard. The first kiss, the first night together, the first time they showered together. Now, the Normandy was gone.

Suddenly his mind drifted off to the future and he wondered if the crew would stay the same. It would be logical for them to stick together so they can continue their search for a way to destroy the reapers. But he was a bit skeptic there. If the Council barely believe them, what would happen if the Alliance doesn't believe them as well? Kaidan feared for the worst, which would mean he would be reassigned to another part of the galaxy, far away from her. His heart clenched at the thought of that and he desperately hoped they would not get separated.

-X-

Two hours later...

She was alone in her quarters thinking about the events of the day. She met Kaidan when she made her way to the women's shower, but she couldn't just smile and pretend she is alright. Not when her home was destroyed. What's even worse, they almost died...**she** almost died. She wasn't sure if Joker noticed it, but the second beam was very close to tearing her apart as well.

She never was afraid to die, she always faced death with courage but somehow always managed to evade it. Yet something was different. She didn't know what exactly, but she guessed it had something to do with Kaidan.

"Kaidan..." she whispered his name as she cradled her face in her palms. Her heartbeat was still frantic when she remembered that he refused to go, she had to practically order him away from the ship. If he stayed maybe a minute longer he could've been dead. Her body shuddered at the thought of him dying on the Normandy.

Letting out a long breath she folded her hands underneath her chin, thinking and nothing but thinking. She was replaying the scenario in her mind, again and again, just to make sure where she failed so that doesn't happen again.

Suddenly the doors to her private quarters slid open, and she spun around, but when she saw Kaidan entering the room, she couldn't help but feel relieved. "Kaidan, how did you get in here?"

He let out a long before locking the doors with the card Anderson gave him, "Anderson gave me the security card, he told me to check on you." He took the remaining steps towards her before stopping inches away from her. Her eyes fell on his chest before he pulled her into a hard embrace. She hugged him back too, both holding the other so hard they almost chocked the other. "I'm so glad you're well and alive."

"And I'm glad you listened to me to get everyone to safety," he broke the hug and cupped her face to place a long, passionate kiss on her lips. When he broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead on hers and inhaled deeply. She used a new shampoo now and he hated it.

Leaning away, he opened his eyes to gaze deep into hers. There he saw the sadness and fear she hid from anyone during the day. "Are you alright?" He didn't even had to ask because a tear escaped her. He saw that, and his heart clenched. "Hey..."

She wiped the trail the tear left away before looking at his chest again. "Sorry, it's just," she managed to toughen her voice before continuing, "the Normandy was our home and when I think about the casualties-" he interrupted her by placing his finger on her lips.

"I feel the same way, but don't take this all on yourself, please. It's not your fault and you did everything you could." He cupped her face again and gazed deep into her eyes as she swallowed the big lump down her throat.

"I almost lost you..." she whispered, her voice shaking with fear.

"And I almost lost you...but we're here, and we're safe. So please stop worrying about the things that can't be changed." She nodded before she guided him to the bed. She sat down and he followed her. Then he pulled her into his arms again when he felt her shaking. He kissed the top of her head and breathed in her scent as he gently rocked them from left to right.

He would do so until the crew would get up, then he would return to his own quarters because they couldn't be seen together. The entire situation was killing him though because he didn't know what would happen to them. They would arrive at the Citadel in two days, then they would know what will happen to them.


	3. Lost

"_Arriving at the Citadel ETA 1 hour." _Said the ships VI as the former Normandy crew sat in the cargo hold playing some cards since they didn't have anything to do. Anderson refused to let them do anything, instead he told them they should take the time to relax and gather their minds. They were drinking some coffee because drinks weren't allowed on the ship. The crew already missed the Normandy (because they always had a crate of beer stashed somewhere).

Joker threw the cards on the table, frustrated because of his weak hand, "I'm out." Shepard smirked at him.

"Yeah I knew that."

"Hey, just because I have a terrible poker face doesn't mean you should take advantage of that." Shepard rolled her eyes as Kaidan studied the cards in his hand.

"Nobody said we're taking advantage of that, Joker." Then he winked and Joker crossed his hands.

"Yeah, it's easy for you to read me. Try to read Tali. By the way, aren't masks allowed during poker games? Just saying." Shepard send him an angry glare.

"Tali needs her mask because-"

"If you can find a sterile enough environment, I will gladly remove my mask," said Tali teasingly, "but I doubt that will improve your chances of winning." Everyone noticed the surprise on Joker's face.

"Hey, I was kidding. No need to be rude." Tali giggled and Joker shook his head in annoyance.

"Yeah right," said Shepard as she glanced around. She noticed Liara staring at the table, deep in thought and not paying any attention to the game. "Liara?"

Her asari friend lifted her head and smiled weakly, "I am sorry, Shepard. I guess I drifted away."

Shepard placed her cards down and ranked her hands on the table, "You want to talk about it?"

Liara shifted, clearly worried about something. She knew everyone was slowly starting to recover from the incident, but there were other things that bothered her. "I am just wondering about our mission, that is all. I...am confused." Silence and tension fell in the room. Shepard let out a long breath before taking a sip from her coffee.

Taking another deep breath, she spoke, "I know, I'm wondering about that myself, as do the rest of you I'm sure. But I'm certain the Alliance won't turn their backs on us. We have fought too hard to be cast aside and forgotten." Kaidan nodded in agreement but decided to stay silent. Suddenly the door hissed open and everyone turned around just to see Anderson. Shepard and Kaidan wanted to stand up, but Anderson shook his head.

"Easy," he said before sitting down next to Kaidan. Everyone's eyes fell on him as he turned to Shepard. "You any better Commander?"

"Yes, we're getting better. We miss the Normandy though." She could feel everyone shifting in their seat. Then she shook her head before changing the subject. "You have any information about the Council?" Anderson shifted slightly before looking at everyone.

"I have contacted the Council, told them what happened. But I'm not gonna lie to you, they're not taking this seriously." Shepard shifted too.

"What do you mean?" Anderson turned back to her.

"I told them they should help us investigate what attacked the Normandy, but they said it could only be space pirates."

"Space pirates don't have weapons that can burn the Normandy's shields to zero." Said Kaidan and Anderson turned to him, nodding.

"I told them the same, they say we should not spread our propaganda on the Citadel."

"Propaganda?!" Shepard said in disbelief of the things she just heard. "They're honestly claiming that we're exaggerating?"

"It seems so. But calm down, you have to keep a cool head Shepard. You're the only one they will listen to." She ran her hand through her hair and sighed in frustration.

"It's just like with the Reapers. No matter what I do or say, they just won't believe me." Anderson watched her for a long time in silence. He knew how she feels right now because he went through the same ignorance when he went side by side with Saren. They always believed the turian despite him being wrong.

Anderson stood up and everyone's eyes fell on him as he watched Shepard. "You know the drill, Shepard. It's just something we have to deal with."

"Yes sir," she said while saluting weakly. Anderson turned and left the cargo hold. The silence and tension was thick in the room, and Kaidan so wished he could hug her, but also knew she needs some time alone.

She felt everyone's eyes on her, and she felt sick. Frustrated, she stood up and walked out of the cargo hold, still feeling everyone's eyes on her back until the doors of the elevator slid shut. She closed her eyes when her back fell on the elevator wall. The pressure was high on her, even though she didn't know why. It wasn't the first time she lost a ship or squad, and it wasn't certainly the first time the Council didn't believe her. But something was definitely wrong. She had the same feeling as they approached Ilos a month ago, and that wasn't good at all.

-X-

Presidium, Council Chambers...

"The Normandy has been destroyed by an unknown enemy! Space pirates do **not **have such equipment, even the black markets doesn't sell it!" Councillor Udina yelled at the other members of the Council. The asari Councillor just shook her head before she answered.

"Space pirates can buy from whatever black market there is out in the universe. We cannot assume that such advance technology cannot be bought anywhere." The turian Councillor nodded in agreement.

"I agree," he said "I don't see something 'alien' destroying the Normandy. You will see that the investigations will point to a weapon bought in the black markets."

"But what if it doesn't?!" Yelled Anderson as he slammed both hands into the panel in front of him. "What if it shows another highly advanced species?!"

The asari Councillor sighed in frustration, "Then we will take every necessary precaution and help you find the ones responsible. But right now, you're on your own." Shepard stood aside and watched Anderson and Udina yell at the Council. She stepped up, her face giving her anger away even though her posture was calm.

"Even if we find proof, you will still claim that it is not enough. Just as you claim the Reapers doesn't exist, even though one attacked the Citadel and **said **that there are others of them!" She gradually raised her voice before she was yelling, earning the angry glare of the asari Councillor.

"We cannot prove the Reapers existence simply because of the visions you claim to have. Therefore, we dismiss the theory of the Reaper invasion. As in case of the Normandy's destruction, we cannot give you support until you give us some strong evidence. The meeting is adjourned." Slowly, the alien members of the Council started to leave the room. Shepard watched them with anger written on her face, and she just couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"You are cowards! All of you! You are just afraid to face the truth!"

Anderson placed his hand on hers, "Shepard, calm down." But she just shook off his grip and took another forward step.

"Instead of facing the galaxies problems you are only avoiding them!" When Anderson grabbed her hand again, she shook it off before turning to leave. Kaidan and Liara were running after her and they almost reached the last stairs before Anderson's voice stopped them. Shepard's foot silently tapped on the floor as she crossed her arms and waited for Anderson to get to them, followed by Udina. Shepard didn't need him right now but she had to go through it.

"What the hell were you thinking Commander?!" Yelled Udina as he came right in her face. "We have it hard enough as it is! We don't need you insulting them!"

"I'm trying to open their eyes so they can see that their asses are in danger!" She yelled back, the tension high between them as Anderson interrupted.

"Shepard," he called her name and waited for her to look at him. She let out a long breath before turning her attention to Anderson. "If the Council won't help us, fine. They don't have to. You're a Spectre, you can have all the resources you need. But don't forget about the Alliance. We still have Hackett and the other Admirals on our side." Shepard shook her head and sighed.

"Yes but I need a ship, Anderson."

Anderson nodded, "I will contact the Alliance and let them know. Meanwhile, you should stay here on the Citadel. I've rented a large 5 bedroom apartment. Should be enough for you and your crew." Shepard nodded and started to leave, her crew right behind her. At least they got a place to stay now so she couldn't complain.

-X-

She stared at the screens in front of her, memorizing every vital detail. She knew her job, and she knew she was picked for it because she's the best. She could feel his eyes on her back while she scanned through the last files of the report. Then she turned around to face him when she received the last file.

"The Council just abandoned her." He put his cigar back and watched the black haired woman.

"They're not interested in what happened to the Normandy or the disappearance of human colonies. No one is. From my sources, I can tell even now that the Alliance will abandon her as well."

"So what are our plans?"

"We are forced to sit back and watch for now. She has to see for herself that no one wants to believe or help her." The black haired woman walked in front of him graciously.

"Anger and the wish to avenge comes from bitterness." She stated and the man just nodded.

"Once she experiences that, she will realize she can't rely on the Alliance or the Council."

The black haired woman stopped next to him and turned around to watch the separate files appearing on the large holo screen, showing now the dossiers of the Normandy crew. "What about her crew?"

"They will get separated in time. The Alliance will take care of that. Your job Miranda is to make sure that Shepard sees the injustice towards humanity, and that she can't rely on any of them."

Miranda smirked, still looking at the files of Shepard's crew. "Should be easy enough. Would be more challenging if I had to bring her back from the dead, though." She turned around to leave but the Illusive Man's voice stopped her.

"Remember, don't act now. We still have a job to take care of before we can contact Shepard in any way. In the meanwhile, she will see what's really going on here. This is a game of cat and mouse now, and it has to be played very carefully." Miranda nodded before she turned to leave. She knew her mission; get Shepard on Cerberus' side no matter what.

**A/N: I know, nothing major happened here, but soon it will start to get tense and Miranda will get more involved. Stay tuned and let me know what you think :-)**


	4. False Hope

**A/N: I have to post a little warning here. This chapter contains gritty scenes. Just so you know.**

-X-

"_Breaking news: the most advanced ship in the Alliance, the SSV Normandy, was destroyed by an advanced space pirate ship. The investigation is still in process, but we heard from reliable sources that they have identified the space pirate's ship. The ones responsible for the destruction of the Normandy will be sentenced, as Admiral Hackett promised. Later on, see the documentary of the creation of the Normandy." _The commercial started and Shepard turned off the tv, frustrated about the lies the Alliance told the reporters. She was certain that these were not some space pirates who destroyed the Normandy with weapons from the black market and a large dose of luck. Her gut was telling her that there is more to it, but if the Alliance and the Council keeps stalling her, she won't find any clue about the attackers.

She took a large sip from her beer bottle as Kaidan entered the living room. The apartment was large, everyone had his own private space so they could have their peace. He slumped down next to her and drank his own beer before she slumped back into the couch next to him.

"You know what the people think destroyed the Normandy?"

"Some lucky space pirates?" Shepard sighed and nodded before taking a sip from her beer.

"Yep. Seems the most advanced ship in human history isn't so advanced at all." She said sarcastically before gazing out of the windows. Kaidan watched her silently for some time, then remembered why he came here in the first place.

"I got a call from Anderson."

"Yeah?" she said while turning to look back at him, then she saw the frown on his face.

"Why did you turn off your omni-tool? He needed to discuss something private with you." She took another sip from her beer before placing the beer bottle on the coffee table.

"Private...like what I wonder. I don't have the nerve for him or the Council Kaidan." She stood up and went to the kitchen. Kaidan followed, taking her beer bottle with him.

"He called because he has a ship for us." He said while placing his and her beer bottle on the nearby counter. She turned around to face him, and for the first time this month she wore a bright smile on her face.

"For real?" she said as she stopped in front of Kaidan. He grabbed her by her waist and lifted her on the kitchen counter, settling himself between her legs.

"For real. It won't be the Normandy, but at least we'll have our own ship so we can investigate what happened. The fucking Council won't stall us anymore." His voice dropped a whole level and she instantly wrapped her legs around his hips to pull him closer before wrapping her hands around his neck.

"Ooh, I love it when you swear and act like a bad boy. So sexy." She whispered seductively which sent a spark to his crotch. He squeezed her rear and she jumped because of the sudden movement, then he brought his face to hers until their lips met. She moaned into his mouth and tightened her grip with het legs around him. She could feel his erection poking her through their clothes so she rubbed her crotch against the tip. He groaned and broke the kiss to look at her.

"We can get caught you know..." She licked her lower lip and pulled him back to her. He groaned again when he felt the heat she radiated.

"I don't know, it's kinda thrilling to know we can get caught any minute." He squeezed her rear again and groaned which send a shiver down her spine.

"You're such a naughty girl sometimes, you know that?"

"Oh you know you love it when I'm naughty." He slipped his hand under her shirt and cupped her breast as he started to kiss her neck. She moaned and let her back arch into him as he massaged her breast and nipped her neck. He gently pushed her down on the counter, still kissing her neck and touching her body, both completely oblivious to the kitchen door going open.

Liara stepped in humming a song but when she saw them on the kitchen counter she squealed and put her hand on her eyes. Both Shepard and Kaidan shot up and straighten their clothes. Kaidan stood behind the counter because of his still visible erection.

"Goddess I- I'm sorry I didn't know-" Liara stuttered before she ran out of the kitchen. Kaidan blushed bright red, Shepard just giggled as she went to the couch to throw a pillow to Kaidan.

"Here." He grinned and took the pillow to put it on his erection. She took his other hand and guided him upstairs. "Let me make it up to you."

And Kaidan was so happy after she made it up.

-X-

Standing in the bridge of her new ship was somehow strange. Nothing was the same as in the Normandy. Everything was...she didn't know how to explain it, but it didn't feel like on the Normandy.

The first time she stepped into the Normandy, she felt like home. Now, she felt as if she's on a stolen ship. But at least her favourite pilot is flying the ship who is also so not pleased with it.

Shepard watched Joker fumbling on the controls, more than frustrated and pissed. She understood him though, completely, "Status report?" It was more of a question than an order. She would understand if he wouldn't want to give her any.

"Fuel, at optimum. Systems, check. Life support, check. Weapon systems, check. Everything looks in good working order." She sighed and sat down on the co-pilots seat, hoping he would turn his head to look at her. But he kept watching the numbers on the screen without paying much attention to her.

"You're acting as if it's my fault."

"Your fault for what?" He tried to sound uninterested, which he always succeeded at, but Shepard knew him.

"For making you fly a ship without a name. Oh, and for losing the Normandy." Joker stopped fumbling on the controls and readjusted his cap before turning his chair to look at her.

"Don't tell me you aren't pissed?"

"How could I not be pissed?" she stood up and started pacing the cockpit up and down. "We lost the best ship only so we can get the worst ship in the Alliance fleet."

"Well the only plus in this ship are the crew quarters. Cozy and not-too-small crew quarters. You know, I was thinking of sending a complain against the sleeper pods on the Normandy." That made her brows furrow together.

"Really?"

Joker shrugged his shoulders and smiled, "Really, now we have beds as well. Not just you Commander." He stuck his tongue out at her playfully, she took his cap and put it on her head before walking away. "Hey! Aw come on, this isn't fair. That's my lucky cap!"

"That's your punishment for complaining too much!" She yelled back from the briefing room that was connected to the bridge. She walked down the stairs before reaching the galaxy map (another plus she forgot to mention). She gazed down the map, thinking to maybe explore a planet or two, then she spotted Kaidan coming from the armory which was also connected to the briefing room. The ships layout was terrible!

"Commander," he saluted and grinned when he spotted Joker's cap on her head. She smiled and walked over to him before they both walked down the hallway that lead them to the engineering room.

"The weapons ready, lieutenant?"

Kaidan nodded, "Aye ma'am, locked and ready." Once they reached the engine room they walked towards the mako where Garrus stood, obviously calibrating the mako's weapons. "We were inspecting the mako and saw a few parts that could be upgraded."

"Like?" Garrus turned to her, looking at the data pad in his hand.

"The shileds can be boosted, the ammunition capacity as well. I've taken a closer look on the rocket launcher and it can be upgraded as well. In fact, after we upgrade it the rocket launcher will have such firepower it can tear the shield of a Geth Prime to zero." Her eyebrows rose up at that.

"Well then boys, you have some serious upgrading to do." Both nodded before resuming their work. Suddenly Joker contacted her over the intercom.

"_Commander, Admiral Hackett on the line_." She took a quickened pace back to the briefing room.

"Patch him through in the briefing room." When she reached the briefing room she could already see Hackett's hologram instead of the galaxy map so she saluted when the door hissed close behind her.

"Admiral."

"_Commander, we've received some...disturbing news_." As soon as she heard it, she knew it was something grave. "_We have reports of underground activities on a planet nearby._"

"What kind of activities?" She had to know the details so she could prepare properly.

"_Abuse of children." _She froze in place.

"What?"

"_We have leads that a former Alliance soldier by the name of Harrison abuses kids and sells them as slaves. Even uses them for his own...entertainment." _Shepard felt sick just by the thought of it_._

"Who is he?"

"_Quit the Alliance last month when he heard that most of the superiors don't believe in the Reapers. Said we are all crazy so he left._" Hackett took a deep breath, his expression even more serious than before. "_This is a sensitive matter, Shepard. We can't let him do so." _Shepard saluted then nodded as Hackett send the coordinates to Joker. "_I have send Joker the coordinates. Good hunting, Commander._" He saluted back, then the screen went dark. She turned to leave to grab her equipment when she spoke into the intercom.

"Liara, Wrex. With me! Joker?"

"_ETA 2 hours, Commander."_ She rushed back into the armory to grab her weapons, meeting Liara and Wrex on the way. None said a word on the mission, and 2 hours later, they landed on Terlox.

-X-

After a long marsh through the rocky wastelands of Terlox they reached the large facility where they believed they held the kids. The door hissed open and as soon as the party stepped in they could smell something rotten there.

"Ugh, what a smell," said Liara as she tried hard not to pass out from the horrid smell. "Whatever it is that smells like this must be dead for weeks."

Shepard walked around the corner to scan the surroundings before she signaled for them to follow. "Stay sharp people. We don't know what's lurking down there." They walked down a large hallway, everyone scanning the surroundings carefully to avoid any surprise attacks. After a while of walking they reached something like a control room which was empty. Shepard went to the screens, searching for any kind of evidence of what happened here. Finally she found a video, probably a few days old. She called for the others before she played the file.

On the screen appeared a man (probably Harrison), he was talking to someone but she couldn't see them because they were out of the camera view.

-_How are the experiments moving on?- _Said an unknown, female voice.

-_Fine, but we're running out of kids. They can't stand the amount of eezo we inject them.- _Said Harrison which twisted Shepard's gut.

-_When can we expect any results?- _Asked another male voice, ignoring his statement completely. Harrison shifted, clearly nervous because of something.

-We _are experimenting on children. What do you expect? They're not as resistant as grown ups.- _Answered Harrison, then the other male stepped slightly forward, just enough so Shepard could see his silhouette. Still she couldn't recognize him.

-_We want results. The last thing we need is the admiral getting pissed!- _That turned Shepard's insides even more.

-_I_ _will do my best, but don't expect results until the end of the week.-_

_-We want results by the end of the week. No exceptions.-_

The video ended and Shepard stepped away from the console, shocked about what she found out. She turned to Liara and Wrex, and she didn't miss the look of pure shock on Liara's face.

"Shepard, he said 'the admiral'."

"I know," she said as she downloaded the file to her omni-tool before they approached the lower levels of the facility.

They encountered little resistance on their way and Shepard wondered what had happened to the personnel. Once they approached a large, heavy secured door, they could smell the same stench again, only was it much more intense. Liara went to hack the door and moments later they stepped in with their weapons drawn. They saw a dead body on the ground and approached it, a gun in his hand and a large gunshot wound on the right side of his head. Shepard inspected the body with her omni-tool and found no signs of trauma.

"He killed himself," stated Wrex. "Idiot."

"Shepard, over here!" said Liara a little louder before Shepard went to her. They were looking at a terminal, a log was opened and paused in the background.

"Open it," Liara did as Shepard said. On the screen appeared the one that killed himself. Shepard could see the lines of exhaustion and despair on his face.

-_This is log 2, 4...hell I don't know what log this is. The things we're doing here, the things he wants us to do...it's disgusting. This is not why I quit the Alliance for.-_

"That must be Harrison," said Shepard before the log continued.

-_I thought I would do some good, but I don't really see how stuffing the kids with eezo is going to help us fight the reapers. He assures us it will work but...I doubt that with every day that passes.-_

_-I...can't keep up with this any longer. Hundreds of kids have died, and I feel like it's all my fault. Whenever I want to quit, I can hear my mind screaming at me, saying 'don't piss of the admiral'. My God but I can't do this anymore. Whoever finds this...I have shut down the facility and killed myself. The...failures, are behind that door. I'm sorry.-_

Shepard downloaded the video as well before she made her way towards the dead body to look for a key card. She found one and took it, then went to the large, last door of the room with a cold and sick feeling. She ran the card through the slit and the door opened, and what she saw made her drop her weapon when she felt cold sweat covering her body.

"My God..."

Liara came and stopped behind her, and immediately placed a hand on her mouth and nose when the stench hit her. "Goddess..." Shepard watched the now dead children hanging from the walls, naked. Tubes and cables were connected to their bodies. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't bring herself to do so when her legs carried her to the walls filled to the brim with dead children.

"That is disgusting," said Liara as she stopped in front of a girl who was maybe five years old. "Who- who does this? How by the goddess can stuffing the children with eezo help with the reaper war?!" Shepard stopped and leaned her hands on a desk before she turned on the radio.

"Joker, contact the Alliance. Tell them...tell them to get here and clean up the mess." Her will was broken, she felt sick. She couldn't hide it even in her voice.

"_Commander, you okay?_" She let out a long breath as she turned around to face the horrid scene before her. To look at the children's dead bodies and probably branding that image deep into her mind.

"No, Joker...nothing's okay."


	5. Finding Comfort

**A/N: This chapter contains smut. I didn't have the heart to take it out, it's too important. Thanks to everyone who has the time to read it. Oh and feedback would be appreciated :-)**

-X-

Kaidan was usually the one joining Shepard on their assignments. Today, he was left to upgrade the mako with Garrus. Hours have passed, and she still didn't return from the planet. He was worried, deeply, as he made his way out of the engineering room. Sweat dripped down his forehead and his body, he desperately needed a shower. He made his way towards the bridge where the stairs to the second, upper floor lead. Before he could reach the stairs though he heard the ships doors open. He stopped in his tracks and that's when she appeared around the corner.

"Commander," Joker called, but she ignored him and just kept walking. There was only one time when Kaidan saw her so empty, so broken, and that was when the Normandy was destroyed. She was pale as she walked past him up the stairs, not even lifting her head to greet him. Liara and Wrex were the next ones walking past him, but Kaidan grabbed Liara's wrist to stop her. She turned around and he asked what happened, she just send him a sad look and shook her head, clearly uncomfortable and too exhausted to speak.

He stood there a while longer before he made his way upstairs, having only one goal in mind. Once he reached the doors to the captains cabin, he knocked and waited to see if she opens them since the doors were locked. He waited and waited, and when he realized she wouldn't open them, he entered the password (Shepard made sure he could enter whenever he wanted). The door hissed open and it showed her quarters were empty. He heard the shower in the background so he made his way towards her shower to the right. The door hissed open and the sight troubled him deeply.

She sat in the corner, the water flowing down her shoulders, back and head. Her head was hidden between her knees and even with the shower on he could hear her sobbing. He left the shower to remove his clothes, since he needed a shower too. Once he was naked he stepped back in and that's when she lifted her head to look at him. He gently took her hands and lifted her from the floor before bringing her into an embrace.

She was still shaking and sobbing when she rested her head on his shoulder. He didn't know what happened down there, but he knew it was something terrible, something that made her cry. She never cried.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he whispered down her ear. She reconsidered his request, but soon decided it would do him no good. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that hundreds of children have died because some freak stuffed them with eezo. She shook her head frantically and tightened her hold on him. Kaidan understood, so he just stood there with her, letting the water ease her tired and sore muscles.

Her silence wouldn't stop him though from looking at the mission report later. He just had to know what happened so that he could understand. She broke the embrace and that broke his thoughts when his back reached the cold wall of the shower. Her hands pressed firmly against his chest as her eyes rested on his lips. Then her hands moved lower but Kaidan grabbed them in time before she could wrap her fingers around his groin.

"Shepard, no. Here," he took her shampoo and poured it into his hands "let me clean you." So she let him clean her hair, later even her body, even though she gasped, moaned or shivered whenever he touched one of her sensitive spots. Then he used her shower gel to rub his chest as she rubbed his back. They rinsed the soap from their bodies and hair before taking two large towels and wrapping them around their bodies to dry.

Both stepped out and she immediately went to her bed and sat down, her head lowered and eyes fixed on her lap. Kaidan sat down next to her and brought her into an half hug as he pressed a long, hard kiss on her temple. She calmed down a little, and Kaidan decided to ask her again.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" he pushed a strand of hair from her face, but again he received no answer. Instead she crushed her lips on his as she came to sit on his lap. "Shepard-" her tongue interrupted him effectively as he became more and more lost in her caress. As much as he wanted to break the kiss and demand to know what happened, he couldn't. Too much time has passed since he could have her this way.

She pushed him down on the bed and removed his towel before straddling his hips. She removed her towel as well, and couldn't ignore the heat between her legs when she felt his erection poking her entrance. She lifted herself a little, just enough so she could lower herself on his length. Both moaned in unison as his hard groin pulsed inside her. Then she started to move and Kaidan shut down everything that was around him. Everything but her. Only she existed in this moment. No reapers, no war, no Alliance, nothing.

Right now, his entire world were her soft, silken walls wrapped around his length, clamping him more and more with every second that passes. Every second brought them closer and closer to cum. Kaidan sat up and wrapped one arm around her back so he could steady her as the other found her swollen nub. He took one nipple in his teeth as he stroked her clit gently at first, then increasing his pace more and more.

"Kaidan...Kaidan, yes...oh yes..." she whispered when he felt her walls clamping him hard, then she arched her back roughly, and he knew she came. She gradually lowered her speed with her hips until she calmed down a little, before he gently put her down on the bed, his erection slick with her juices. He put her on her fours and she smiled, wiggling her ass to him in anticipation.

He pushed inside her without giving her any kind of warning, but he knew she loved that. He started to move then, long hard, but slow thrusts made her moan his name. He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled it hard (knowing she loves that too) before increasing his pace gradually. He leaned down and bit her upper back once, twice before bringing his mouth to her ear, knowing well which buttons to push.

"You feel so good and tight," he whispered which caused a pleasant shiver down her spine. "So hot," she moaned and he leaned down to her other ear, still pulling her hair back as hard as he could in this position. "Cum babe, that's a fucking order." He panted down her ear, all until she whispered things again.

"Oh yes Kaidan, fuck me..." he happily obliged until their pants, growls and moans filled the room. His pace was frantic, yet he couldn't ignore her walls clamping him again and his name leaving her lips in an almost endless moan. He knew she came. This time he followed her though, and he exploded inside her like a volcano. Both moaned and panted as his hot sperm flooded her insides, making her all hot again.

They collapsed on the bed, she on her stomach and he next to her, facing her back. He pushed her hair aside and placed small kisses on her upper back and the nape of her neck. She shivered pleasantly from his kisses, but he leaned away and that made her turn to look at him. She could still see the lines of worry on his face, the fear in his eyes. She placed her palm on his face and smiled reassuringly.

"I'm okay Kaidan," she whispered but that did nothing to banish his fear.

"Really? Nothing happened to you down there?" she leaned a bit closer and placed a delicate kiss on his lips before retrieving to gaze deep into his eyes.

"Really, I was just stressed out, nothing more. And thanks for cheering me up." He smiled faintly as he prompted his head on his hand.

"Anytime. But you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I do, K-bear." Both chuckled, and Kaidan was relaxed again. He would drop the matter for now, but he would look at the file later.

"Glad I make you relax, babe," she snuggled herself into his arms until they both drifted off to sleep. Shepard could get used to this, to laying to bed every night with him. Even if this isn't the Normandy.

-X-

There were many things Miranda Lawson was reconsidered to be perfect at. She was smart, beautiful, deadly, maybe a little blunt, but her brain always worked at a hundred percent. Whatever assignment she received, she would complete it, to a better or worse end. But what really made her so astounding was her skill to read and judge people. Nobody could fool her, there was only one exception. The Illusive Man. Even the perfect Miranda couldn't read him and get a hold of his motivations.

She entered the large office of the Illusive Man and saw him sitting on his chair, his elbow leaned on the desk and his forehead buried in his hand. Rarely she would see him like this, deep in thought, maybe even troubled. Her professionalism forbid her though to stick her nose into his business. Not that she would want to anyway.

"Another colony went missing," she said with the usual cold tone in her voice, "this time more closer to the Sol System."

The Illusive Man parted his fingers and looked at her through them. With the light falling on him from this angle, he looked almost creepy, "Evidence?"

"None, the place is as dead and empty as the others," she came closer as she opened a log on her data pad, "but the Alliance didn't receive the distress call yet. They're oblivious for now."

The Illusive Man stood up and walked to his large holo screen, turning his back now to Miranda who was still staring at her data pad, wondering. "I know the ship isn't ready yet, but-"

"Contacting Shepard now would be too soon," he said when turning back and walking towards his desk. "First, we have to get rid of her crew. They have to get separated in order to leave Shepard alone and vulnerable, and the first one to go is lieutenant Alenko." Miranda scanned through the files the Illusive Man just send her. "The Alliance seems to send him to another mission which is classified, but that does not matter to us. What matters is they leave her. All of them."

"Will she be any good after everyone abandons her?" The Illusive Man took a sip from his drink before settling back into his chair.

"Shepard isn't the kind of person to give up. Besides, bitterness turns a person into something entirely different. She will handle it, no doubt of that. How long till the ship is ready?"

"The work is about 55% complete, but we need more resources."

"Granted. Remember the Normandy has to be better than the original. It has to have cutting edge technology, only that kind of ship will appeal Shepard." He took another sip but didn't tear his eyes away from Miranda. "Take Jacob and investigate the colony before the Alliance arrives. The last thing we need is bumping into them." With that said Miranda turned around and left the large room. He turned in his chair around to face the holo screen behind him, rolling the glass of whiskey in his hand.

"EDI, find every information related to the 'admiral'. Someone is not playing by the rules."

"Understood," said the AI before resuming her search for the mysterious admiral, who seemed to make the Illusive Man's days harder than they already were.

**Notes: I imagine the Illusive Man used (sounds weird lol) EDI before he installed 'her' into the Normandy. Just a thought, but I had the feeling it could've happened.**


	6. Cerberus

**A/N: Sorry if this chapter is rushed or something, but I can't help it. Anyway, just wanted to say that I like to come up with planet names, even if they don't sound too original. I hope you still enjoy reading this piece of fanfiction. I have no beta, all mistakes are my own. Oh and warning here, gritty scene ahead.**

-X-

Shepard almost ran down to the briefing room after Joker told her Hackett was on the line, but it surprised her that he wasn't requesting her presence. Instead he was asking for Kaidan, they were already talking in the briefing room. Curious, she made her way down there to see why he wanted to see Kaidan. As soon as she entered she saluted Hackett's hologram before she greeted Kaidan.

"_Commander," _greeted Hackett before he continued, "_I'm glad you arrived. I was just handing lieutenant Alenko his new mission objectives."_

"New mission objectives? Why not send them to me?" Hackett ranked his hands underneath his chin as he turned his gaze to Shepard, his expression serious.

"_No Commander, these are new assignments for the lieutenant. He has to leave your ship for a while." _Shepard shifted from leg to leg and crossed her hands. Something was definitely odd.

"Something you're not telling me admiral?"

Hackett let out a long sigh, "_He has to investigate another colony that went dark a few hours ago. Something kidnapped the entire colony without leaving any kind of trace. He will lead another squad to the crime scene, so to speak. You have another assignment, one that's from Anderson."_

Shepard glanced at Kaidan and saw that he was so not pleased with it. "What's the assignment?"

"_We have received the files you recovered on Terlox, and we believe we have another hint on the so called 'admiral'." _Hackett shifted and kept his expression serious. "_I'm not gonna lie to you Shepard, but we think the 'admiral' is an actual admiral from the Alliance." _Shepard shifted again, feeling very sick all of a sudden.

"You mean we have a mole?" asked Kaidan who didn't seem to pay any attention until now.

"_Not a mole, just someone who thinks he can change something without getting his hands dirty."_

"If that's so, why don't we stay on this matter together? I don't like handing my people around admiral." Hackett sighed and removed his hat to run a hand through his hair. He put his hat back and stared at Shepard.

"_It's classified Commander, but all I can tell you is that these are orders from above. I did everything I could, but-"_

"I could shoot that order down, admiral." That made him furrow his brows together. She certainly knew which strings to pull.

"_Official channels are closed. Your Spectre status has nothing to do with your ranking in the Alliance, as you might have experienced already. And that ship you're using is Alliance property after all." _Shepard shifted again, not liking the thought of Kaidan going to another ship at all. Anything could happen to him, to them, while she's not around.

"I understand admiral," said Shepard feeling kind of defeated and slightly angry. "When is he reassigning?"

"_Not reassigning, Shepard. He's still part of your crew and he'll return as soon as he investigates the colony."_

"Okay, when is he leaving?"

"_In two hours an Alliance vessel will come and pick him up. In the meanwhile, I'll send Joker the coordinates to Edgar Station on planet Hilcos. Good hunting, Commander. Lieutenant." _With that Hackett logged out. Kaidan turned to Shepard, visibly shaken because of this.

"Commander, I-"

"Wait," she interrupted him to turn off the intercom. Once it was off she walked back to Kaidan and stopped as close as she was allowed to him.

Kaidan nodded once before taking a deep breath to speak. "Something doesn't feel right Shepard."

"I know," she answered as she leaned her rear on the large table, facing him. "But Hackett gave us the orders and we have to pull it through."

"Yeah I know, it's just-" somehow he couldn't finish what he wanted to say, but Shepard reassured him with a smile that showed he could say whatever is on his mind. "I don't like changing my superior, is all. And all this...it reminds me of Virmire, when I went with Captain Kirahe to the AA Towers." Shepard felt a cold feeling settling in when she thought of Virmire, how she almost lost both squad members. At least she saved one, she always told herself.

"It won't be anything like Virmire, Kaidan."

"I know, I guess I'm just used to...serving under you." That brought a mischievous smile to her face as she leaned a little closer to him.

"Believe me Kaidan, I enjoy you serving under me." Kaidan blushed slightly as he realized his choice of words.

"My apologies Commander," he said teasingly before closing the gap between them. Shepard placed her hands on his chest and stopped him before his lips could touch hers.

"Nah-ah. My cabin, 10 min. I intend to enjoy the two hours." He smirked and leaned away before saluting her.

"Aye aye ma'am," then they both turned and walked away. 10 minutes later they were in her cabin and didn't waste another second before pulling each others clothes off of them. They needed this, and who knows what could happen to either one of them.

-X-

He sat in his comfortable, leather seat as he sipped his whiskey, listening to the relaxing music of Bach. He watched the large holo screen before him, looking at each file appearing on the screen, but only one file caught his attention. One file made him angry, and to know that this person is sticking her nose into his business just served to annoy him further. He wanted the best for humanity and he wanted to crush the reapers, that was all that mattered to him. He needed no Spectre chasing after him.

He knew people thought he was crazy for 'wasting' millions of credits on some sick, meaningless research. But he looked at the bigger picture, and you have to overcome some obstacles to get from point A to point B. Military life had taught him well, which made him all the more annoyed to see his 'fellow' people trying to find out who the 'admiral' is. Well, this is who he is. A man trying to save the galaxy from the reapers, doing everything that is necessary. Even playing God every once in a while.

He rolled the glass of whiskey in his hand as he stared at the now three files frozen on the holo screen. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Captain David Anderson, and at last, Commander Faith Shepard. Three people who threatened to crush his plans, and so the means to stop the reapers.

He could hear the door behind him hissed open, but he didn't bother to see who it was. He knew it was his personal assistant, one of the rare people who knew what the admiral looked like.

"Admiral?"

"Yes Hannah?" he answered in his usual polite manner.

"The Commander has reached Edgar Station." The admiral smiled and closed his eyes. He was always amazed how he could read people.

"Oh David...you haven't changed a bit," he took another sip from his whiskey before turning his chair around to face his assistant. "Are the former Cerberus operatives still in contact?"

"Yes admiral," he chuckled and stood up to walk up and down a line before he stopped.

"Contact them. I want them to head out to Edgar Station and take care of the Commander."

"What about the research?" The admiral was silent for a bit, drifting away into his mind to see if there's anything left there that's important.

"Expendable. They won't find anything that could be of any use to them. Except more dead children."

"Of course, admiral," said Hannah before she made her way out of his office, immediately contacting the 'retired' Cerberus officers. The admiral knew what he was doing, and since Shepard would recognize them as Cerberus, there was nothing he should fear that could lead them to him.

He watched Anderson's file now with a mean smile on his face as he took a large smoke of his cigar. "Trying to be the smartass again, eh David?" was all he said before resuming to listen to Bach, lest he would lose control.

-X-

Shepard's gut twisted with every step she took down the labs as her mind played the scene in the facility of Terlox. She remembered how she felt when she first spotted the children hanging from the walls. She felt like she could vomit all day long and still feel sick. Liara stayed at the ship now, still seeming to recover from the horrible sight. Instead she brought Garrus and Wrex with her, since her krogan friend insisted he came with her because he was bored on the new ship. At least I could drink ryncol on the Normandy, he stated and that made the corners of her lips curl into a tiny smile.

This time though, they encountered heavy resistance, and Shepard wondered if they would find anything down here that would point them to the 'admiral'. To think that he could be an actual admiral of the Alliance made her insides turn, but they had to be prepared for everything. These were rough times and she knew that in times like these, people tried to be God.

She fired at the enemy with her sniper next to Garrus as Wrex took care of the ones trying to approach them on foot. It was amazing that they kept trying to pass her krogan friend, even though he barely used bullets to kill them.

"Idiots, still not realizing they can't pass me." Shepard smiled as she fired her sniper and took out an enemy contact. Garrus and her cleared the rest ahead as Wrex seemed to play a one-on-one match against an operative, who was very eager to kill Wrex. He got bored easily though, so he just smashed his head on the nearby wall before they all resumed to walk further in.

They reached a large, secured door and Shepard went to hack it as Wrex and Garrus stood guard. Garrus though went to inspect a nearby dead guard, hoping to find any clue who send them, but his jaw almost dropped on the floor when he saw the emblem on the dead persons chest.

"Shepard you gotta see this," she could hear the shock mixed with adrenaline in his voice so she left the door and went to him. Shock crossed her face as she saw the same thing which made him shocked.

"What the hell-"

"Why is Cerberus here, protecting this facility?" Garrus asked as Wrex came to them, the curiosity getting the better end of him.

"Cerberus?" Wrex called out, wondering. "You landed into some nice shit again Shepard." She knelt down on one knee and started to inspect the body's omni-tool for any information. But she found none, so she stood up disappointed and took out her rifle before resuming hacking the door. Garrus stopped next to her, his expression serious.

"Could it be that the 'admiral' is involved with Cerberus?"

"I don't know," the door hissed open and all readied their weapons, "but I intend to find out." They all descended deeper into the facility, Shepard desperately hoping that they find at least a few survivors.

An hour or so later, they reached the final floor of the facility. A heavy secured door blocked their way, luckily Garrus could hack the doors defenses. A few minutes later the door hissed open, nothing suspicious caught her eyes though, except that the room had large, heavy secured cells that had some warnings written on them. Shepard approached one cell and red 'radioactive' on the inscription. There was a tiny window from which she could peek inside. She did so, and her blood froze at the sight. She immediately went to the terminal and started hacking the doors. Garrus caught sight of what she was doing so he went to stop her, oblivious to the children inside the cells.

"Shepard, these cells are radioactive," she kept typing on the terminal though, ignoring Garrus completely.

"I know, but our environmental suits will block the radiation."

"Shepard-"

"Damn it Garrus! Children are inside these cells!" His eyes widened for a second before he made his way to the nearby cell to peek through the tiny window. Inside were around ten children, all wore nothing but a thin paper cloth. The kids were visibly starved and pale, bones stuck out of their skin in an ugly way, their eyebags almost black. The doors opened slowly while letting out a squealing sound as they put on their helmets. She took the time to contact Joker.

"Joker, contact the Alliance. Tell them we've found more children that need immediate evac. And prepare a decontamination team."

"_Commander?"_

Shepard let out a long breath as she knelt down next to a boy who seemed unconscious as the others all looked at them with fear written on their faces. "They're radioactive, Joker. Heavily. And they need help ASAP."

"_Aye aye Commander." Shepard _placed the little boys head on her lap as his eyes slowly opened. She smiled, even though she doubted he could see her smile. The boy tensed visibly, but didn't have the strength to move away. Instead he just kept watching her, his little brown eyes wide with fear.

"Don't be scared, we're here to help you. All of you," the boy relaxed again and closed his eyes as he send her a warm, weak smile. She didn't move away as the Alliance personnel arrived minutes later. She nudged the boy to wake him up, but the boy didn't react. She nudged him harder, but again he gave no reaction. Panic overwhelmed her and she placed her finger on his pulse point, only to feel no pulse at all. An immense lump formed in her throat when she realized the boy died in her arms. A medic came and knelt down next to her, but didn't dare take the boy from her.

"Commander...he's gone," she nodded, the lump in her throat almost not allowing her to breathe. She let the medic take the boy away before placing his tiny, fragile body in one of the bags. Shepard didn't tear his eyes away from him until he was hidden in the bag, then she allowed the tears she held back to fall. She quickly turned around and started walking out of the room. She could hear Garrus calling after her telling her to wait for them, but she couldn't bring herself to stop.

A little boy died in her arms, she remembered the faint smile on his pale lips before he passed away. She wondered if she could've saved him if she was faster. No, don't even go there, she thought as they finally reached the Normandy. She entered, hoping to be met by Kaidan's gaze, but he was nowhere to be found. He still didn't return, and that thought twisted her gut.

-X-

Miranda and Jacob were investigating the surroundings of the colony for any kind of evidence that could help them understand what is abducting the colonies. She had to admit though that things aren't going exactly as she had planned it. They almost searched the entire colony for clues, still they couldn't find any. She was starting to get really frustrated because of this.

"We should head back to headquarters," Jacob stated what Miranda was reluctant to say. "There's nothing here."

"We still haven't looked at a few places. We leave after we inspected every inch of this bloody colony." He could clearly hear the frustration and anger in her voice, and decided it would be best to follow her orders.

"Aye aye ma'am," Jacob resumed inspecting the few nearby terminals for any video file or something which could help them. Miranda walked around and inspected the surroundings. Everything was clean yet incredibly strange. She felt like the colony just left in the middle of a meal, like they all decided to vanish without leaving a trace. She could feel there was something bigger going on here, and she was only too eager to find out.

Suddenly she could hear a shuttle in the far distance and her eyes darted up to the sky. Her eyes narrowed in anger when she recognized the dark blue, white shuttle. "Shit," she turned to the nearby terminal and started downloading some files she thought were necessary.

"What happened?" he asked, oblivious to the shuttle landing nearby, but Miranda's look was enough for him to know that something bad happened.

"The Alliance is here," she glanced at her omni-tool and saw the files have been downloaded in time. "Come on, we gotta get out of here before they see us." They took the fastest way out while still trying to stay in the shadows. They could see their own shuttle nearby, hidden from the view of the Alliance. As soon as they stepped out of cover though, someone spotted them.

"Halt!" a young man's voice, Miranda noticed as they stopped and turned around, hoping they would not recognize the emblem on their chest (damn the emblem!). Slowly, Miranda and Jacob faced the one calling them to stop, and Miranda immediately recognized him. It was one of Shepard's crew members.

"Shit," she murmured as his eyes fell on her chest, then widened for a second before he furrowed his brows together.

"Cerberus!" he yelled, and that's when the other Alliance soldiers attacked them. There were only five of them though, Jacob fought against three of them while Miranda took out the other two. Surprisingly, the one that was Shepard's crew member was tough, even though he was only an L2.

Miranda glowed in a blue light and threw a large crate at him. He deflected the crate with his own biotics. The crate exploded several feet behind him. He focused his biotic strength and hurled a Throw at her. Miranda hid behind a crate and the throw vanished against it. She peeked out of the crate and saw him approaching while glowing in a dim blue light. Fine by me, she thought as she approached him as well, both not tearing their eyes away from each other.

Now the real fight started. Biotic punches and kicks were shared while the other either dodged or got hit. Miranda managed to place a few hard kicks on him while he punched her gut and face several times. She could hear the crackling of bones in either one of them, but none was about to stop. He threw another ball of biotic energy at her. She established a barrier to hurl the ball away. It exploded somewhere nearby and detonated a fire container. The fire spread quickly, and soon they were almost encircled by it.

Slowly she became frustrated though. She wondered how an L2 can be stronger than her. No more games, she thought as she used her maximum biotic potential. He threw another biotic energy ball at her, trying to divert her attention. She deflected the ball quickly and caught his hand in mid air. She flexed his wrist to the inner side. He could hear bones crackling before he felt a punch in the gut. Then a kick to his chest. He flew away a few feet before landing roughly on his back.

His head throbbed, he could feel something going out of his nose. He opened his eyes only to see her approaching him, her angry, blue glowing eyes directed at him. He looked to his right and saw his gun. He reached his hand out for it, but she placed her foot on his hand. He growled out in pain before his eyes found hers.

She pointed her gun at him and that's when everything became muffled around him. He was sure he would die right now. His implant was already overused, another focus of his energy could bring him serious complications. His eyes locked with hers and she was so ready to pull the trigger, but Jacob's voice brought her back to reality.

"Miranda, come on!" Miranda lowered her weapon but didn't step away from his hand as her angry eyes glared into his.

"Stick to your own damn business, Alenko," was all she said before turning away from him to go to the already floating shuttle. Kaidan pointed his gun at her, but found that he couldn't shoot her from this ever increasing distance between them. His eyes lingered on her as he wondered how she knew him even though she was Cerberus personnel.

She was still glaring down at him until the shuttle doors closed and they flew away, Kaidan never tearing his eyes away from the shuttle. He didn't know why Cerberus was here in the first place, but he was only too eager to find out.


	7. Keeping a cool head

The Illusive Man was angry. How the hell could the Alliance receive the distress call the minute he send Miranda and Jacob to investigate? He calculated everything, and there was no chance in hell they could've received the distress by that time. He put out his cigar, but quickly lit another one. Suddenly the doors hissed open, and a very angry Miranda stormed in.

"How the hell could the Alliance know so soon? We were the only ones who knew, yet they came right before we could leave!" The Illusive Man turned to her slightly annoyed by her way of acting.

"I hired you because you always keep a cool head, Miranda. Don't make me regret my choice." She closed her eyes and took a deep, steady breath before she opened them again. He was right. He hired her because she always kept a cool head, and because she's a top scientists. Letting out a long breath she calmed down and finally the Illusive Man could talk to her. "Someone must have tipped them off."

"But who?" she wondered, but sadly he couldn't give her that answer.

"Someone in Cerberus works for the admiral and gives him any info we find."

Miranda crossed her hands and shifted, the knowledge of having a mole between their ranks sending a cold chill down her spine. "I will tighten the security and lessen the scattering of information. Besides you and me, Jacob will be the only one who knows what we're dealing with."

"I agree," the Illusive Man responded, "EDI will make sure to monitor every out- and incoming messages."

"Understood. I can say for sure that this is the only information that managed to leak outside the Cerberus servers," the AI responded but it did nothing to lower the Illusive Man's anger.

"Could you pinpoint the location of the receiver?" he asked frustrated.

"No, the receiver is not sending any kind of signal any longer, nor can I find anything through the systems history."

The Illusive Man took a smoke while looking at Miranda, who was a little bruised and beaten up. "Are you severely injured?"

She shifted again, her eyes now fixed on the floor. "No, the majority of the wounds healed on the way here."

"Good, I need you at a hundred percent."

"Of course," she straightened her spine, trying to look like she's in no pain at all.

"I will keep you updated. For now, you're dismissed." Miranda turned and left the office. Sighing, she made her way to her quarters, feeling like every bone and muscle screamed at her for walking so much. Alenko had a few good hits, she had to admit, even though he was only an L2. She clearly underestimated him which would not happen again.

She walked around the corner and spotted Jacob standing near the door to her quarters, also deep in thought (and bruised). He lifted his head when he heard her heels. She send him a knowing look and entered her quarters, he close behind her. She went to her desk and took the first aid kit to disinfect her wounds. She sat down on her bed and averted her attention to Jacob who was sitting down on a chair next to the bed.

"So we have a mole?" he asked, his elbows leaned on his knees. Miranda crossed her legs and kept watching him.

"Seems so. He send the information to the admiral so he could alarm the Alliance."

"So he is not just calling himself admiral, he's a real admiral." Miranda shifted as did Jacob, but she kept her eyes on him, sensing that something bothered him.

"Jacob I'm not sure what do you want me to say. We have a mission to focus on and we can't let our minds get distracted. The Alliance is actually looking for the admiral, and I'm sure they'll find who he is." Jacob let out a sharp breath and stood up from the chair.

"Of course Miranda, you're right." She opened the first aid kit and put it in her lap.

"Meanwhile you should find some way to keep your mind of things. We need everyone at a hundred percent." There was a mischievous smile on her face when she said it. He smirked but wouldn't let her play affect him. He nodded sharply before leaving her quarters. Once she was alone, she stripped down her clothes and started disinfecting the wounds. Her muscles were tense, and she couldn't wait to get a shower.

-X-

A few hours later...

Shepard stood in the briefing room, waiting for admiral Hackett to contact her, since he insisted he was the one calling her over a secure channel. Her eyes were closed, her hands on her back and her mind deeply troubled. She didn't know anything where Kaidan is or if something happened to him, and that slowly started to drive her insane. One image kept popping up in mind, it was the image of him dying or lying dead somewhere cold and alone. She swallowed the lump down her throat and took a deep breath. She had to stay calm because admiral Hackett would contact her any minute.

And with that thought gone his hologram appeared in front of her. She saluted and gave him a sharp nod, "Admiral."

"_Commander," _he readjusted on his chair before fixing his eyes on her, "_the children have arrived at Alliance headquarters. You arrived just in time. An hour later and they would all be dead." _She nodded sharply again, hoping to banish the image of the boy dying in her arms.

"The sensors said they were radioactive. From what?"

Hackett visibly tensed, "_That's what worries me Commander. First tests indicate that they have been exposed to eezo._ _Wait, exposed is not the right word." _Hackett took a deep breath and Shepard knew it can't be anything good, "_They were stuffed with it Shepard. Literally. They've received meals and drinks containing moderate amounts of eezo, and they've been given eezo in form of pills and medication and what not." _Shepard slammed a fist on the table which made Hackett's eyebrows furrow.

"And we don't have any clue on who he is?!" She said louder than intended, but Hackett knew her anger wasn't directed at him.

"_No_ _Commander. There's a list of dozens of suspected dirty admirals, but I don't think any of them would be shaped to do this. This can only be someone who has seen things and who is ready to pay any price for the worthy goal." _Hackett leaned his elbows on the desk. "_Let's summarize the facts; he is doing these kind of experiments in hope to find a way to stop the reapers. But how he wants to stop the reapers with eezo stuffed children is beyond me. That just doesn't make any sense."_

Shepard was silent the entire time, thinking about what Hackett just told her. He saw she was in deep thought and decided to tell her the other, maybe more important thing to her. "_Also, Shepard, lieutenant Alenko is on his way to your ship. But his report is also disturbing."_

I knew something went wrong, she thought as she tried hard to hide her fear, "What happened?"

"_As you know I've send him to investigate a colony that went dark. His report states that when he arrived he spotted two Cerberus operatives while they tried to sneak away. They got in a fight and...well, the lieutenant is injured. Not severely but he said, and I quote him, 'that Cerberus bitch had a hell of a punch'. We might suspect that Cerberus is behind these missing colonies." _Shepard narrowed her eyes, the back of her mind still worried about Kaidan, but the rest was thinking about what Hackett told her. Something's not right.

"That doesn't make any sense," she looked at the desk in front of her for a while before looking up at Hackett, who gave her the 'excuse me' questioning look. "I mean Cerberus is all about humanity, why would they kidnap human colonies? Better yet, how could they do it without anyone noticing it? Or without leaving any kind of trail?"

"_I get your point Shepard, but there are tons of reasons why they would abduct the colonies. Maybe they're doing some experiments to advance the human race. Anyway, they're our suspects for now. And before I forget, Anderson said he'll meet you at your ship."_

That made her brows arch up, "Why?"

"_He didn't tell me the reason, but I'm sure it's something important. I'll call you when I have new mission objectives. Hackett out." _Hishologram disappeared and she quickly turned around to leave the briefing room, but then Joker contacted her over the intercom.

"_Commander, an Alliance vessel is boarding the hangar. Lieutenant Alenko is on his way out." _She ran down the stairs as Joker finished. Once she saw the hangar door she sped up, but the doors opened before she could reach them and Kaidan stepped out. Physically, he looked fine, except he now had a tiny scar above his left brow. He smiled brightly when he spotted her, but remembered he has to keep it professional, at least for now.

"Commander," he saluted and she saluted back. The other crew members of the Alliance didn't bother to get out of the much smaller ship. Once the door closed behind Kaidan, they took their leave. Shepard shook her head and stepped aside before they both walked out of the hangar.

"How are you lieutenant? I hear Cerberus made you a rough day." Kaidan stopped dead in his tracks, Shepard turned around and saw the questioning look he send her. "Hackett called me earlier and explained. I bumped into Cerberus too."

"What?" his question was harsh, the anger clearly reflecting on his face. "Did you find any info about the 'admiral'?"

Shepard saddened and lowered her head, "No, we only found more children." Once the words left her mouth, she wished she could bite them back. Her head shot up and her eyes fell on Kaidan. There, she saw the confusion and shock he must feel right now.

"Children? You found children?" he closed the gap between them, Shepard again lowered her head, trying to decide whether to tell him the truth or not. "Shepard?"

"On Terlox, we found dozens of dead kids hanging from the walls, naked. Tubes and wires were connected to them. The 'admiral' is doing some crazy experiments with children in hope to stop the reapers." She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, "That image still haunts me, I could vomit all day and still feel sick. Today we found more children, but they are alive. A few died on the way to the Alliance, a few survived and are being treated."

Kaidan let the words she just said settle in. He took a few deep breaths before he found the strength to look at her again. "That's disgusting. And does Hackett has any lead on who that could be?"

"Sadly, no. He said there are a dozen of suspected dirty admirals. He can't pinpoint this to anyone though." Letting out a long breath, he decided to brush his arm against hers, gently. She looked up and smiled, grateful that she has someone like him on her side. With a silent understanding, both made their way to her quarters, both having the need to talk and be comforted. At least, they have each other, so the burdens don't have to be swallowed down.

-X-

When Shepard first spotted Anderson on the ship two hours later, she didn't see anything suspicious about him. He was Anderson, same as always. She saluted and he saluted back. He asked her if there's a place on the ship where they could talk. They made her way to her cabin because obviously it was the safest place to talk. What made her suspicious though was that he requested Kaidan to be there as well.

Once the three reached her quarters and the doors hissed close behind them, Anderson started to inspect the room for any spying devices. Both Shepard and Kaidan watched him stunned while he kept searching.

"Err, Captain?" Shepard dared to call him, but he ignored her and kept searching. Once he searched the entire room he came to stop in front of them. It was then Shepard saw the dark circles under his eyes. He probably hadn't slept for days.

"Is the intercom off?"

"Uhm, of course," Shepard answered before taking a step closer to Anderson. He ran a hand over his hair and sighed heavily.

"Captain everything okay?" asked Kaidan, feeling very ill of the situation.

"I don't know," answered Anderson while slumping down on the small couch. "I don't know anything anymore."

"What happened?" Shepard was anxious, she could feel something's wrong but couldn't know what.

Anderson looked up at them, his expression grave. "Someone is spying on us. On the three of us specifically." Shepard and Kaidan shared a glance before Kaidan sat down on the nearby chair.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because I received some strange mails, the scans say they're not viruses. I see the same people walking where I walk everyday. I'm not being paranoid, I know when someone's following me."

"Hold on," Shepard interrupted him and sat down on the couch next to him. "The ship has a heavy firewall, Hackett made sure it's one of the best in the Alliance. I don't think anyone can spy on us." Anderson gave one sharp nod before he fumbled on his omni-tool. He send them some files which didn't make any sense at first.

"This is every message you two send over the past month, every record of you. I received these with the emails I told you about. Someone send them to me, someone hacked the systems and is now taking watch over you."

Kaidan stared blankly at the screen of his omni-tool as he read the messages he and Shepard send, which he deleted weeks ago from his account, when they were still chasing Saren. "I don't see the point in watching our messages. We never write down something of importance. Besides, we're using different identities on the extranet. I don't understand."

"Someone is trying to get a picture of you," Anderson leaned forward and kept talking, "to know where you go, who do you work with and work for. That way they can get a pattern."

"So they can either assassinate us or intimidate us by kidnapping the people we care for," Shepard answered with a sigh as she turned off her omni-tool. "Any ideas?"

"None, I couldn't track down the sender." answered Anderson.

"We should contact Hackett."

"Hell no lieutenant!" Anderson was clearly shocked by his statement. "Hackett would try and see if there's someone spying on us. The info would spread quickly and that we cannot risk." Suddenly he stood up, followed by Kaidan and Shepard, "We'll act as if we don't know anything. But keep an eye open Shepard, you especially. Someone's onto us, someone mighty."

"Thanks Captain. I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway."

"This isn't funny Shepard. Someone from above is watching our every movement. We have to be careful from now on." He went for the door but stopped before he would exit. "I'll see if I can dig out something. Do not contact me, I'll contact you when the air is clear. Otherwise, keep your guard up." He left the room without waiting or saying another thing. Kaidan turned to Shepard, his expression serious.

"Guess we'll have to be more careful from now on." Shepard stood up and went to sit on his lap.

"Mm-hm, but how are you? I hear the Cerberus bitch had a hell of a punch."

Kaidan chuckled a bit before he removed a strand of hair from her face, "Hackett told you?"

"Yes, but I don't know the details. Care to fill me in?"

"Only if you tell me all that happened on Terlox and Edgar Station."

She send him a warm smile while gently feathering her finger over the newly caused wound. "Deal."

**A/N: This is just the calm before the storm. Soon, everything will make sense, I promise :-)**


	8. Pilgrimage

**Hello people. Sorry for the delay, I just have so many other projects going on. But I promise I won't discontinue the story. The updates might be a little stalled, but I will finish the story! Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this. And soon, the real shitstorm starts, so stay tuned ;-)**

-X-

A month has passed since the destruction of the Normandy, and nothing particularly changed during that time. They were still hoping to find some kind of evidence about the admiral, even though she knew time was running out. The Reapers were coming, but it seemed to her that the Alliance and the Council totally forgot about them. With that thought always plaguing the back of her mind, she felt like every mission seemed to lead her to another dead end; bringing her more questions, no answers. The only thing that gave Shepard a reason to continue this quest was that she found more and more alive children. The Alliance took care of them as best they could, some were already recovering and feeling better; that brought a smile to Shepard's face.

While she was on the hunt after the mysterious 'admiral', Kaidan was off investigating the missing colonies, thus spending more and more time off the ship. He found no evidence on who could be behind these attacks, still the Alliance pushed hard and gave their everything to find the one behind this, without the Council's help. Cerberus had never been seen again on any of the colony's nor did he find any kind of evidence that could point to them.

The last time she saw Kaidan was a week ago, before he went to investigate the newly missing colony. He received his own ship and a small crew during these assignments, but he would return to the Normandy whenever he completed his assignments.

Shepard stood now in her blues in the briefing room awaiting a very important call from Hackett. He told her that someone wants to meet her, and that was it. He left her no clue on who would like to meet her and that was enough to make her nervous.

Her foot silently tapped on the floor, anxiously awaiting the call from Hackett. She looked up at the intercom and decided to check if something jammed the connection; _maybe that's the reason Hackett is late, _she reasoned her nervous mind.

"Joker?"

"_Yeah?"_

"Is the connection secured?"

"_Everything is fine Commander. Seems admiral Hackett is late." _Shepard let out a heavy breath and narrowed her eyes.

"Hackett is never late. Something's not right."

"_I'm sure everything is fine," _just then they received the call. "_Told you so. Patching him through."_ Hackett's face appeared on the screen and Shepard saluted.

"Admiral."

"_Commander, how is the mission going?"_

In that moment, she felt as if he was mocking her, but she straightened her spine and answered, "As good as it can, admiral."

Hackett nodded stiffly, "_I'll be plain now, Commander. There's someone who would like to meet you. Someone of great importance."_ Hackett then stepped aside and Shepard saw a man sitting in a wheeled desk chair; he had a large scar on the right side of his face going over his eye. His right eye was different than the left and it was glowing in a dim red light, indicating that it is synthetic. His short hair was grey with years of wisdom. She soon recognized the man though, and straightened her back before saluting respectfully.

"Admiral."

"_Commander," _Hackett started, "_there's no doubt you know Admiral Frost."_

That man was a living legend and every Alliance marine knew who he is. Even though he couldn't walk, he was still serving with the Alliance. He is the most respected and if not the most powerful Admiral in the alliance, because he was the one that led the army in the First Contact War, which meant he is very old and experienced. His word was always the last. "Of course I do. It's an honor to meet you, admiral." It truly was. Admiral Frost rarely spoke to anyone, he tended to keep to himself and only issued his orders through his assistants.

"_Commander Shepard," _he started and looked at her from head to toe, "_the first human Spectre. I'm impressed with your service record. I'm glad you were the one chosen to be a Spectre." _That made her wondering.

"Sorry my asking sir, but were there more candidates?"

"_Of course Commander," _a dossier with a picture appeared on the right side of the screen and Shepard's insides turned in disgust. "_Agent Kruger was the other candidate. Sadly, you know how the superiors react to her way of acting. They say get the job done but demand that you stick to the regulations."_

Shepard took a deep breath, trying to lower her anger towards Anderson for not telling her about Kruger. She knew Agent Kruger from past encounters and missions she had to complete with her while they were in the same squad.

Admiral Frost watched her closely, before he interrupted her thoughts. "_But Agent Kruger is not why I'm here for, Commander. I hear you're chasing after the 'admiral', but have no results."_

Shepard lowered her head, but looked up a second later, "Yes sir, but I don't intend to give up just yet."

Admiral Frost nodded sharply and smiled, "_No body allowed you to give up Commander. I'm here with admiral Hackett to tell you that you'll be receiving your orders from me from now on." _Shepard's eyes widened and she turned to look at Hackett who was looking at her sternly.

"_Admiral Frost will lead the operation from now on Commander. He has a trail on the 'admiral'."_

"I'm listening," she said, suddenly not caring who gives her the orders as long as they will find something. Admiral Frost cleared his throat and started explaining the newly gained info to Shepard. She listened carefully to the legendary admiral but she couldn't shut down the part of her mind that was still angry at Anderson for not telling her about Kruger. She would contact him later though, after she finished the talk with admiral Frost and Hackett.

-X-

She was in her cabin sitting on her desk and reading the info admiral Frost had sent her about the 'admiral'. It showed a few of his facilities that were heavily protected by a group of mercs called the Blood Pack. Shepard never heard of them before, but admiral Frost warned that they are dangerous. That was enough for her to take extra caution when going into the base.

They were heading to one of the planets mentioned in the data files that she received from admiral Frost when suddenly the doors to her quarters hissed open. They revealed Tali walking in and it took Shepard one look on her quarian friend to know that something bothered her.

"Tali, hey," greeted Shepard as Tali stopped next to her desk.

"Hey Shepard, am I disturbing?" she referred to the pile of data pads and two empty cups of coffee on her desk.

"Nah, I'm done with reading the pads anyway. What's up?" she and Tali sat down on the nearby couch. Shepard could sense her nervousness because Tali refused to meet her gaze, even now. That made her worried. "Tali?"

It was then she looked at Shepard for the first time. "Uhm... do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something."

Shepard readjusted slightly, but decided to hide her nervousness aa best she could for now. "Sure, tell me what happened."

Tali lowered her head, looking at her intertwined fingers. "I, uhm... I told you once about my pilgrimage, right?"

"Yeah, and how you wanted to continue it one day."

Tali let out a long breath while letting her shoulders and head slump down, "Well... that's why I'm here, Shepard. I want to talk to you about my pilgrimage."

Shepard narrowed her eyes, somehow not quite understanding where this conversation is heading to.

Tali noticed her confusion, so she decided to fill her in on the details. "You remember how I once told you that I want to continue my pilgrimage after we stop Saren?"

Now Shepard put two and two together. "Oh... so you want to continue it?"

Tali lowered her head in guilt and shame, "Well, I... yes. But I don't want you to think that I'm abandoning you or that I don't like working with you. It's just... my people need me and I would really like to continue my pilgrimage." Shepard nodded as she looked away, immense sadness and hurt settling on her. "Shepard?"

She forced a smile on her face, "It's fine, Tali. I'm happy for you."

"Soooo... you're not mad at me?"

Shepard turned to watch her quarian friend with a now honest smile on her face. "How could I ever be mad at you Tali? You're my favourite quarian friend. I'm sad that you're leaving, but I understand your wish." Both stood up from the couch and Shepard couldn't help but hug her. Tali hugged her back, and both hesitantly broke the hug after a while. Tali lowered her head again and sniffed which tore at Shepard's heart. "Tali, come on..."

"I'm sorry," she lifted her head to look at Shepard, "I just thought it wouldn't hurt so much."

"It's okay," Shepard placed a tender hand on her shoulder, as if to reassure her that she is not mad, "I completely understand. And I hope you'll find whatever could help your people."

"Thanks Shepard, I knew you would understand. It really means a lot to me."

Shepard nodded weakly with a small smile on her face, "No problem, when are you leaving? Do you need a ride?"

Tali shook her head, "No, a quarian vessel will come and pick me up tomorrow." Tali hugged Shepard hard again, but broke the hug seconds later. "Thank you Shepard, and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done."

"Hell yeah, there's no team Shepard without Tali." Tali giggled before she made her way out of her quarters. She watched her leave before the doors hissed shut behind her, then Shepard slumped back down on the small couch. She rolled her thumbs around as her mind processed what the hell just happened.

_Tali is leaving the ship_, she thought and repeated it countless times. She could understand why she was leaving, hell she was even a bit happy for her, still she felt very sad for losing such an awesome friend. She and Tali were good friends, Shepard turned to her whenever she needed an honest friend. They would gossip about what is happening around the ship, Shepard would talk to her about her relationship with Kaidan, although Tali wanted to hear the 'juicy' details, which Shepard refused to tell her of course.

She was smiling sadly while trying her best to blink away her tears. Tali will be missed, greatly, but Shepard would never demand she stays here, not when she knew how much the pilgrimage meant to her. Her thoughts were interrupted by the beep of her computer indicating an incoming video call. She sat down on the desk and wiped her face clean before picking up the video call. She was met by deep chocolate eyes and her heart leapt with happiness.

"_Hey Shepard," _greeted Kaidan who was wearing a casual Alliance shirt. A handsome sight indeed.

"Kaidan, hey, I didn't expect you to call."

"_Missed me?" _he winked and send her a warm smile. She leaned her elbows on the desk and prompted her head with the heels of her palms.

"Nah, I'm fine," he mimicked a sad face and put a hand to his heart which made her giggling a little. "How are you?"

"_Fine, there's a lot of stuff I need to take care of so that leaves me barely enough time to check on you."_

"I know, you don't have to justify."

Kaidan smiled, "_How are you?" _She let out a long breath, one that made Kaidan's smile vanish. "_Something happened?"_

She scratched the back of her neck before looking back at Kaidan, "I had a talk with Tali a few minutes ago and... she said she wants to resume her pilgrimage so she is leaving the ship for an unknown period of time."

"_Damn," _Kaidan let out a sigh too before placing his hand close to the camera on his desk, as if reaching out so he could touch her hand, "_I'm sorry Shep."_

"It's okay, I guess I should've seen it coming. But how is the mission progressing? Any changes yet?"

Kaidan furrowed his brows together in mention of the mission, "_None. We still can't figure out what is abducting the colonies. Hell even Cerberus doesn't seem to be involved in that."_

"Cerberus is all about humanity," started Shepard, "if they wanted to abduct someone, it would be alien colonies not human." Kaidan nodded once in agreement.

"_I know. It just freaks me out being here and chasing a ghost when I could help you with chasing the 'admiral'. By the way, any luck?"_

"No, still no new info's, except more empty facilities and a few barely alive children. It's like he's playing with us, like he knows where we're heading to just so he can clean the system for any clues relating to him."

"_And Hackett? He still has no idea who it could be?" _Shepard ran her hand through her hair before locking her eyes with Kaidan.

"No, but I'm not receiving my orders from Hackett anymore," she paused to inhale deeply, "I'm taking them from Admiral Frost now." Kaidan's eyebrows rose up and he blinked twice in surprise.

"_**The **__admiral Frost_?" Shepard nodded and Kaidan couldn't help but feel in awe. "_Shepard you do realize what an honor this is_."

She sighed and ranked her hands on the table, "Yeah I know, but there's something else I've got to tell you." He furrowed his brows and kept watching her, his silence showing her she could continue, "Remember when Anderson and Hackett gave their vote for me to become a Spectre? Seems I wasn't the only candidate."

"_Who was the other?"_

Shepard fixed her eyes on Kaidan, knowing well he would be shocked, "Agent Kruger." As suspected, he frowned and let out a sharp breath.

"_Kruger_?" he asked as if to reassure himself, to make sure he wasn't hearing things. "_The same Kruger that was discharged from the Alliance the same month you became Spectre?"_

"Yep."

Kaidan leaned his elbows on the desk, "_If I'm remembering well, she and you went to the N7 program together, right?"_

Shepard readjusted a little, not feeling at ease by the mention of Kruger. "Yes, she and I were in the same team for a while, before Anderson send me to Akuze."

"_And was she always like this?"_

"Kruger had a certain way of dealing things," Shepard started as she remembered her N7 training days, "She would get the job done, no matter the cost or risks. She's capable, brutal, efficient, and smart as hell, one of the best squad members and tacticians I've ever seen. Am I surprised they considered her to be a Spectre? No, I'm just angry at Anderson for not telling me."

"_Well the last thing we need is Kruger as Spectre. Might as well be chasing down another rogue Spectre."_

"Hell yeah," said Shepard chuckling, "but enough of that. I won't spend our time talking about the mission or damn Kruger."

Kaidan send her his sexiest smirk which caused her to bite her lip, "_So...you said you've missed me?"_

"I missed you so much," she purred while leaning close to the screen, "and I've been thinking a lot about you."

"_Really?" _he asked, smirking again, his eyes shining with lust, "_Care to fill me in?"_

She bit her lip and started to unzip her hoodie, "Yeah, but why don't you tell me where you would want to touch me now?" her hoodie fell open and she threw it on the floor, leaving her in nothing but her white tank top. Kaidan watched the creamy skin of her shoulders and neck, realizing just how much he missed her. Then he started describing her the many ways how he would touch her now.

-X-

A week or so later...

The Illusive Man stared at the files appearing on the screen in his office. They showed the latest video footage Miranda could retrieve from a colony before the Alliance or scavengers arrived. As always, the video showed almost nothing, the only suspicious thing he could spot were some strange bugs flying around, but that's it. He couldn't know if these were some bugs native to the planet or if they had something to do with the missing colony. Sadly he won't ever find out because they didn't have a sample of the bug.

He smoked his cigar as the doors to his office slid open. He knew who it was so he quickly turned around on his chair and watched Miranda graciously walking in, Jacob close behind her. They stopped not far from his desk and both looked at him, as if waiting for orders. The Illusive Man took a deep breath and put out his cigar, to give them his entire focus. "We have problems," he said. Miranda shifted, Jacob just crossed his hands.

All remained silent as the Illusive Man stood up from his chair to walk around the desk, holding a glass of whiskey in his left hand. "Someone mighty is interfering with our plans."

"The 'admiral', no doubt," stated Miranda as she looked at the open files on the large screen.

"I don't know if this is the same 'admiral' who put a mole into the team, but we cannot risk it. For now, I will have to stop all works on the ship."

Miranda's eyes widened with anger, "The ship is almost complete, and we're running out of time. Whoever it is, we can't stop the project because of him."

The Illusive Man took a sip from his drink before fixing his eyes on them. "You don't understand Miranda. The 'admiral' probably knows about the ship and it is only a matter of time until he uses that knowledge against us. Cerberus has to play it safe for the moment."

"Safe?" Miranda asked in disbelief, which brought a frown to the Illusive Man's face. "Cerberus would never bow to someone who thinks is mighty. This isn't like Cerberus, like us." The Illusive Man watched her carefully, but he also understood her concerns.

"One wrong move could exploit everything we ever achieved or planned for the near future. The mole will make a mistake soon and then we will continue with our work."

"It's the safest approach," stated Jacob while looking at Miranda who lifted her head to look at their boss with pure determination written on her face.

"We have to act against him," she said, the Illusive Man nodded in agreement.

"I agree, that is why I have called you here." He pushed a few buttons on the desk and new files appeared on the screen. "This is the location of one of his main labs. This information was so well hidden so he is probably oblivious that someone could actually infiltrate it. The base seems to be radioactive from massive amounts of Element Zero stored there. Going in without a environmental suit would be suicidal." He lightened another cigar and exhaled the smoke as Miranda took a better look on the screen.

"This planet has no Element Zero on it," she stated.

"So they must've shipped it. But how ship eezo without anyone noticing it?" asked Jacob as he stared at the same files.

The Illusive Man fixed his eyes on Miranda again, "What I want you to do Miranda, is to direct the message to Captain David Anderson."

"What?" asked Jacob while shifting and fixing his eyes on their boss.

"He will direct the message to Shepard and her crew."

"The message won't ever reach her," Miranda crossed her hands, "Besides, she's taking orders from admiral Frost now."

The Illusive Man exhaled the smoke again, "I have a feeling he will mislead Shepard in more ways than one." Miranda and Jacob glanced at each other before the Illusive Man spoke again. "Lieutenant Alenko is back on the ship, this is the right time to strike. Whatever they find there will help them find the 'admiral'."

"You sound like you suspect someone?"

The Illusive Man watched Miranda for a long time silently before saying, "Maybe I do, but I don't have enough facts to confirm my suspicions. All I will say is he is mighty. Very mighty." He walked behind his desk and sat down on his large, leather chair. "Redirect this info to David Anderson, he will know what to do with it. Seems that the 'admiral' is watching him as well."

Jacob nodded once, "Aye aye sir," then they both left the large room, leaving the Illusive Man alone with his thoughts. He turned back to the screen and pushed a few buttons before the blue AI ball appeared next to him.

"EDI, heavily encrypt every little information about the ship and put a tracker on the files in case someone wants to hack them. They're our top priority now."

"Of course, sir," responded the AI before fulfilling its task.


End file.
